You’ve Been Approaching Mentors the Wrong Way!

“Can you be my mentor?” “Please mentor me.” “I would love to write like you do. Could you mentor me in writing?” And the flat out request… “would you mentor me or not?” 🙄 In my short writing journey, I’ve had my fair share of mentor-me DMs. As a protege, I have learned one profound truth; mentorship is better attracted than requested. Step closer, I’ll explain. You see, people truly care about you and your success. Well, some people. Forget about the crab-mentality chorus flying around. Or the vast majority who (you think) are hating on you. Kind-hearted angels are still out there. However, these angels are more willing to help the successful version of you—bitter truth! I believe this isn’t too hard to grasp, is it? Follow me! I once heard the founder of a successful businessman say “If you want to scale your support system, scale your personal successes”. So, instead of hopping into DMs demanding support and mentorship too early, set your stakes high. Pursue that goal. Hit your first win and bring that trophy to the table. This becomes your bargaining chip for a mentor’s attention. Truth is, the A-players in your field are also looking for successors. But they want to see your track record. They want to see the younger version of themselves in you. Your first win may attract support to you or your business. But it’s your second, third and subsequent wins that will consolidate your support system and attract more valuable people into your network; people who are willing to support you and show you the way. Scale it down to writing. As a newbie, your best-known growth strategy could be to contact established writers for advice or reel out a flat out “mentor me” pitch. As sensible as this sounds, it’s not strategic. Oops! Sorry I stepped on your tail. Here’s why! As a newbie, your self-awareness is still sketchy. You may not have identified what aspects of your writing needs priming yet. And so, your questions would be quite vague and hazy. Instead of jumping on the “mentor me” train, do your part—start writing. Write daily! Commit to your craft. It’s not about the hours. It’s about frequency. This will enable you to identify EXACTLY what you need help with. When you’re clear on that, start asking other writers for advice and mentoring. As it is with real life, this is far from a cast-iron rule. Okay? Most times, you need someone to help you identify your strengths and weaknesses. Whatever the case, NEVER come to the table empty handed. You must present evidence of progress. When I met my writing mentor a few years back, I knew I was on—self-imposed—probation. I took every lesson to heart and months later, I competed for and won my first nationwide essay writing contest. I brought back evidence of progress and our relationship had cause to blossom. I showed that I was worth his time and investment. “Mentor me” DMs are great but that is only the last stage of a long process. If you put the cart before the horse, you get an accident. Not progress. Mentoring is better attracted than requested. Never forget this! Position yourself strategically. How? Buy their books. Pay for their courses. Courses gives you access—the harbinger of a great mentoring relationship. Attend/volunteer at their events. Research about your—prospective—mentors so you have enough back-end details to hold a meaningful conversation when they finally give you attention. Who you’re looking for is also looking for you. But not this version of you—sad but true. My advice? Upgrade! “If you want to scale your support system, scale your personal successes.”