After facilitating a virtual class one evening, my friend DMed me excitedly sharing how much he’d learned.
Though grateful, he told me how pissed he was that I’ve never discussed any of the lessons I taught that night, despite being friends all these years.
Seeing the potential for offense, I flipped the conversation into humour and chipped in a few lessons.
“Haba Chief! Anytime we talk, I’m always in friend mode not thought leader mode,” I said.
But he wasn’t having it.
He soon joined my reading community and started showing up for virtual events where I speak.
He said strangers were benefitting from me all along while close paddy like him starved.
His words have haunted me ever since. I started to re-evaluate my interaction with my circle.
The lesson here is, everyone you know is multidimensional. Even those in your see-finish zone.
Prolonged proximity to a person, place or phenomenon can blind you to its unique, multiple expressions. You stop anticipating anything new or different about them.
Their worth drops, in your eyes.
You can get too familiar with yourself that you become blind to your own genius.
Normally, your proximity to high-performing personalities should be a huge advantage. But that also exposes you to their human side.
The distant public don’t know that their role model snores like a donkey. But you do.
The distant public don’t know that their role model is terrible with deadlines. But you do.
The distant public have no idea that their idol dreads spiders. You do.
Every person you admire for their ability, position or charisma is first human.
Although their shiny abilities defined your initial contact with them, soon you’ll be exposed to the tiny nuances the public cannot see; their weaknesses, anxieties and fears.
Naturally when you get close to someone great and you sense these fault lines, contempt will rise. But you must fight it else it’ll rob you of many great things to come.
Never allow familiarity get between you and a priceless relationship.
The King is also human. And the human is also a King.
But it’s easier said than done.
Most people who got robbed by familiarity didn’t see it happening.
They thought it was normal to gossip their mentor or successful friend rather than learn from them.
They felt relaxed in settings where their friend’s flaws were projected for all to see.
If you look for faults, you will find a million. If you look for virtues, you will find some.
Your role model is also a person.
So, how do you learn from your competent friends without letting familiarity get in the way.
1. Ask intelligent questions.
If you have high-performing friends or work colleagues in your circle and you’re not growing, then it’s your fault.
I’ve been shocked by how much my friends knew when I asked questions. By watching them display their unique genius, I felt more grateful for having them in my life.
Relationship is the highest currency, only when you recognise it.
That doesn’t mean you must see every person as a means to an end. That’ll be opportunistic.
2. Position yourself to learn.
Asking questions is not enough. Your high-performing friends cannot tell you all they know in one gist.
So, if they have other learning resources such as books, podcasts, courses, etc., get them.
I have enrolled for several courses launched by my “friends”. Not for moral support. But to learn for real.
Renowned cleric, Joshua Selman, often say “Colleagues don’t learn from colleagues.”
Even amongst equals, one person must assume the posture of a learner for knowledge transfer to happen.
Which relationships have see finish robbed you of?
A genius remains a genius even if they’re your close friends.
A king remains a king even though they’re your spouse.
The part (of them) you interact with will answer.
If you interact with the friend you will get companionship and care.
If you interact with the king or genius you’ll get the results.
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